


Magnus rushes in

by idkimoutofideas



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Campaign: Balance (The Adventure Zone), Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, depressed character, this is a pretty dark fic please be careful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:28:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28393122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkimoutofideas/pseuds/idkimoutofideas
Summary: Magnus rushes in. It’s what he does. It’s been his MO for as long as he can remember. And he’s never going to change.
Relationships: Julia Burnsides/Magnus Burnsides, Magnus Burnsides & Merle Highchurch, Magnus Burnsides & The Director | Lucretia
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Magnus rushes in

**Author's Note:**

> I finished listening to Balance like three days ago and this idea just wouldn't leave my head. (Also I'm calling BS on the claim that Magnus only died 19 times in Stolen Century, I'm sorry but he died way more than that.)
> 
>  **Warning:** this fic deals with a character's thoughts on death and dying and gets pretty dark at points

_Magnus rushes in._

He sees a dog being kicked around by a group of boys, and he can’t just stand by and watch. It doesn’t matter that there are five of them and only one of him. It doesn’t matter that they’re all older, bigger, stronger. It doesn’t matter that Magnus gets beat to a pulp within seconds of the first punch getting thrown. None of that matters. The only thing that matters is that the dog gets away. 

_Magnus rushes in._

He gets older, and doesn’t get much smarter. It’s been years and he’s still running headlong into just as many fights. Maybe even more now; now that he knows he can actually win. 

He’s always pushing, always looking for someone who can’t stand up for themself, always looking for someone he can help. (Maybe if he does this enough, if he helps enough, he’ll feel worthwhile and less like a waste of space)

_Magnus rushes in._

The IPRE crew can all take care of themselves. They’re powerful in their own ways, and though Magnus was hired as the security officer, he knows that the others are just as capable. 

Then the Hunger descends. 

They don’t call it that yet. They don’t know _what_ to call it yet, but it comes all the same. 

_~~Magnus rushes in~~ \- _

They _run._

They run. And they don’t look back. Because they can’t do anything. It’s the first time in a long time, possibly the first time in his entire life, that Magnus has run from a fight. Even if he can tell that this fight is unwinnable he still wants to try. He _has_ to try. But Davenport makes the decision, and they run. 

_Magnus rushes in._

They’re in the animal kingdom. Magnus is in his element. He trains with the power bear and gets stronger as a result. He’s getting better, he _knows_ he’s getting better. So this time when the Hunger arrives, he doesn’t run. 

He stands and fights. Fights to protect those that can’t protect themselves. Fights to protect the animals that were kind enough to let them stay there for the past year. Fights to protect those that taught him the meaning of strength.

But he’s not strong enough. 

The last thing Magnus sees is the cowering figures of three bear cubs, whose parents have already been consumed, as the shadows of the Hunger beat him to the ground. 

_‘Well’_ Magnus thinks, ‘ _at least I died protecting someone._ ’

Except he doesn’t. 

Magnus comes to on the Starblaster, disoriented and breathless and confused. There’s a moment where he thinks that they did it, thinks they saved that world from the Hunger, thinks _he_ did it. 

But then he looks around, and the others are staring at him with eyes wide like they’re looking at a ghost. He reaches up to rub at his face and flinches when he presses too hard on his black eye. The black eye he had a year ago when they first set out on this journey. 

_Magnus rushes in._

They keep hopping from world to world, from reality to reality, and slowly they learn the rules of this new game they’re playing. 

They can’t die. That much is obvious. As long as one of them makes it out with the ship, the rest of them will return, in the same state they were when they first left their home planet. 

They can’t bring others with them. Magnus tries, the first time they fail to recapture the Light of Creation and they know the world will be destroyed. But there are people standing on the deck of the ship one instant, then they cross the boundaries of the planes and those people are gone.

Magnus feels like a monster for giving them false hope. 

The only way they have a chance to save anyone is to find the Light of Creation and escape before the Hunger consumes them.

_Magnus rushes in._

He does it a lot now. After all, they’re functionally immortal, and if Magnus has even the slightest chance of saving anyone then he’s going to take it. He refuses shipwatching duty. Skips out when Davenport tries to reach them all the basics of piloting the stupid thing. Claims he forgot, but really he just can’t stand the thought of being stuck on a ship while his friends are dying. 

No one calls him on it. They all know that Magnus would never be able to leave anyone behind.

_Magnus rushes in._

He starts doing it a little too much. Is a little too flippant in regards to his life. And he dies. So. Many. Times. 

He’s angry. Why are they the ones that always survive? Magnus never wanted this, he never wanted any of this. Hell, part of the reason he jumped at this mission in the first place was because he figured it would be a great way to die a heroic death. 

So he gets careless. And the others start to notice. 

They’re in cycle thirty-something—Magnus lost count long ago and doesn’t bother trying to keep track. The others will record how many cycles they’ve been through, the planets they see, the creatures they meet, all the other useless bullshit.

The only thing Magnus keeps track of is whether they managed to save anyone.

Whatever cycle it is, Magnus and Merle start it like they always do: going down to the medbay. They don’t really need to, but getting a nice cool ice pack feels good on Magnus’ black eye, and Merle always puts a small bandaid—pink and covered in flowers—over the cut on his forehead, after the first time it got infected with some weird fungus growing on the world they visited. 

“You really oughta be more careful.” Merle's voice is gruff, and Magnus jumps a bit, not expecting the dwarf to say anything. 

“What?” It takes a moment for Magnus to absorb what Merle said, his mind still stuck on the last cycle, the last world. A beautiful and vibrant plane full of life and love and so many diverse and amazing people that they hadn’t been able to save. People left doomed to their fate. Magnus stayed on the surface until the very end, fighting the Hunger with all he had. He tells himself he stays and fights because it’s a valuable way to learn the enemy’s weakness, but that’s not quite true. No, Magnus stays and fights because it’s the only time he truly manages to feel useful. 

He hasn’t made it back to the ship for the past ten cycles. 

“I said you oughta be more careful.” Merle repeats, slamming the drawer shut that he was rifling through. He tosses an ice pack to Magnus, who catches it with ease. 

“Why?” Magnus asks. “We come back anyway.”

Merle lets out a deep sigh that makes Magnus feel like he’s missing the point. 

“So far. But you don’t know if this is a limited resource. You don’t know if you only get so many screw ups before poof! You’re gone for good.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works.” Magnus says, even though he really has no clue. None of them do. Barry and Lup and the others have done as much research as they can, but they’re all flying blind.

Merle glares at him. “Look, kid.” Magnus bristles a little at that, because while he may be a human and dwarves live a really long time, he’s definitely not a kid. But Merle plows on before Magnus can say anything. “You’re not just affecting yourself.” Magnus tilts his head to the side in confusion. “Think about the rest of us! We have to see your dumb ass rush into every situation without thinking of the consequences! I know you think we’re immortal and all, and we may be, but seeing your friend die don't get any easier.”

‘ _I know, that’s why I stay behind._ ‘ Magnus thinks, but doesn’t say, because even he knows better than that.

Merle sighs again. “I know you’re young and careless and all, but... shit, just _try_ to be a little more careful with your life? It’s not a big ask.”

Magnus nods mutely. 

“Good. Because I’m not the only one who’s worried about you.” With that, Merle stomps off, leaving Magnus alone with his thoughts and the strange realization that other people care about him. 

_Magnus... rushes in._

He still does, of course he does. He can’t change such a fundamental part of who he is based off of just one conversation. But... he is more careful now. He actually tries to get back to the ship if he knows the Hunger will take the world. 

And it’s not like dying doesn’t hurt. It hurts like hell every time. He is still _dying_ after all, it just never sticks. 

So Magnus keeps his promise and tries to be more careful. He doesn’t always make it back, but he tries. And that’s something at least. 

_Magnus rushes in._

He thought they saved this world. He thought this world, with all of its artists and the strange mountain that has the ability to completely erase things from your mind, was safe. 

But the Light isn’t what or where they thought it was. And before they have time to panic and fret and worry, the Hunger arrives. 

It’s early. 

It’s early by a good week, at least. And Magnus remembers the promise he made Merle and he doesn’t fucking care. 

There is no way in hell he is going to leave Fischer. 

_Magnus rushes in_. 

Rushes past the panic that has set in in the town. Past the mouth of the cave. Past the other sleeping magical floating jellyfish. He finds Fischer, and rushes back out. And doesn’t bother trying to stop or fight back. His only objective is making sure Fischer stays safe. 

They make it back to the ship and there’s a moment, before they pass through the barrier, that Magnus is terrified Fischer will disappear. He stands on the deck of the ship, Fischer held tightly in his arms, more anxious than he’s ever been in his entire life. 

They cross the barrier, there’s a flash of light, and... Fisher is still there. 

A wave of relief rushes through Magnus so powerful he almost drops to his knees. He lets out a shaky breath and smiles at Fischer. 

“We need to get you a tank.”

 ~~_Magnus rushes in_ ~~ _-_

Magnus stays behind. 

He asks Davenport to show him how to fly the ship, and volunteers for ship watching duty this cycle. The others are surprised, but there’s a look in Merle’s eyes that makes Magnus feel proud. 

He stays behind, works on building a tank for Fischer to stay in, and carves so, so, _so_ many wooden ducks. 

It’s a good year, if a little stressful, because suddenly Magnus finds himself in charge of this little jellyfish and he has no idea how to take care of it. But he manages. 

And then... the Hunger arrives. 

It’s early. Again. None of the others are around, and they aren’t supposed to be back for another few days at least. Magnus is alone on the ship with Fischer. And-

~~_Magnus rushes in._ ~~

_Magnus runs._

He knows it’s his job, knows he has to keep Fischer safe, knows the others will come back. But... it _hurts_ . He waits as long as he can, hoping someone, _anyone,_ will show up to take the decision out of his hands. 

But they don’t. 

And Magnus leaves them behind. 

His hands are shaking as he pilots the Starblaster, Fischer has picked up on his anxiety because they're humming a little tune. Magnus doesn’t let himself look back, _can’t_ let himself look back. Because he knows if he does, if he sees the destruction he’s letting happen, he won’t be able to leave. 

He knows the others will come back, but it doesn’t make the quiet ship any less eerie, doesn’t make the minutes alone any less agonizing as he worries that maybe this time was it. Maybe he really did just leave all his friends to die a horrible death, maybe-

There’s a flash of light, and they’re back. 

His friends- his _family_ , they’re all back. Safe and sound and whole. 

Magnus lets out a ragged breath that’s dangerously close to a sob when he realizes this, and leans heavily on the railing in front of him. 

He takes a few more deep breaths, trying to calm himself down—he doesn’t want the others to see him like this. But he can feel them all staring at him, and they’re not saying anything, and _gods_ Magnus just left them behind. They must be so mad at him! What if they were coming back to the ship, only for him to take off when they were ten feet away? He took their escape route away and left them on their own to fight the Hunger. They’re back now but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. 

Dying hurts, he knows. 

_Magnus runs_. 

He can’t take their silent judgement. Their accusing states. Angry at him for not waiting a minute longer. Angry at him for abandoning them to their painful fate. 

He’s in his room. Hunched on the edge of his bed, curled in on himself with his head in his hands. He’s pressing hard against his black eye but the pain doesn’t even register. He feels the Starblaster touch down on some new planet. He doesn’t move. 

There’s a knock on his door. 

“Magnus?” Lucretia's voice rings out from the other side. “Magnus, Taako and Lup are going to go scout,” Lucretia says. ‘ _You should get over yourself and do your job like everyone else,_ ’ Magnus hears.

He doesn’t answer, doesn’t trust himself to answer without breaking down again, and after a moment he hears her push open his door. 

She sits down next to him, puts a comforting hand on his back. 

“You did the right thing.” She says, after several minutes of silence. 

“I left you behind.” Magnus whispers, his voice thick. 

“You had to.” Lucretia replies. 

“But I left you!” Magnus lifts his face from his hands to look at Lucretia, ready for her to be mad or disappointed, but all he sees is understaning.

“And if you hadn’t, none of us would be here right now.”

Magnus knows Lucretia is right, knows that she’s making sense, but it doesn’t fill the sinking feeling in his stomach that says he didn’t try hard enough. 

“I could’ve- I could’ve-” Magnus looks away, his eyes filling with tears again as he tries desperately not to think of the others dying a slow and painful death.

“No, you couldn’t.” Lucretia says firmly. “You did the only thing you could at the time, and now we’re here again. We’re all safe.”

There’s a soft hum, and Magnus looks up to see Fischer floating in front of him, bobbing sadly in the air. 

“Hey buddy.” Magnus reaches out a hand to pet Fischer’s head, and the little jellyfish gives out a happy trill. 

“It’s not easy to leave people behind, but it’s necessary.” Lucretia says, her voice heavy with memories. 

Magnus sighs and nods, and promises himself that from now on he will do whatever it takes to get back to the ship in time. He never wants to force his family to make that choice again. 

_Magnus rushes back._

He still does everything he can to help the people of the world they’re visiting, but now he makes it a point to get back to the ship before they have to take off again. He doesn’t want to force the others to leave him behind. But... he also has something to go back to now. A reason to stay alive. 

Fischer. 

So far they all seem to be mostly immortal. If anyone makes it out then they all make it out. But now, Magnus keeps replaying the conversation he had with Merle over and over in his head. 

What if they don’t have unlimited resets?

They likely do, and with all of the parleys that Merle has been doing he must be close to matching Magnus’ death count. But still. What if he doesn’t come back?

There’s another cycle, several years later, where the Hunger arrives early again. It’s been arriving earlier and earlier, but they thought they had at least a few more days. Except they don’t. 

Magnus is too far from the Starblaster to make it back in time. 

He knows this as soon as the world starts turning gray. They weren’t able to recover the Light of Creation, this whole world is going to be consumed, and Magnus can’t make it back to the ship in time. 

‘ _This is fine_.’ Magnus tells himself as he fights off hordes of shadows. They always come back. 

‘ _This is fine_ ’. Magnus thinks as he watches the Starblaster take off into the sky, distant but oh so close. 

‘ _This is fine._ ’ Magnus thinks as the shadows gang up on him. 

There’s a brief moment of panic when the Hunger strikes at him, and his vision goes fuzzy and he feels himself collapse. A panicked second where he’s not sure if he’ll wake back up. And his last thought is that he didn’t say goodbye to Fischer. 

_Magnus wakes up._

He lets out a sigh of relief that none of the others notice, and goes to check on Fischer. 

From then on, anytime Magnus leaves the ship, he makes sure to say goodbye to Fischer. 

Just in case.

_Magnus rushes in._

Most of the time he manages to make it back to the ship. Between not wanting to force his family to make the choice to leave him behind, and wanting to be with Fischer, and generally just being more careful and less impulsive, Magnus dies less and less.

And then... they hatch a plan. 

Well, Magnus isn’t part of making the plan, he doesn’t understand magic or the Light well enough to help, but he agrees to go along with it. To split the Light into seven different relics and scatter them throughout the world in an attempt to confuse the Hunger. 

And it works. The Hunger doesn’t arrive. And now they’re all stuck with the sudden realization that this is it. This is where they live now. There are no more resets, there are no more do overs. They’re stuck here, for better or worse. 

Magnus finds it hard to adjust. He’s been more careful over the cycles, but he keeps having to remind himself that this is permanent. Any injury he gets, all the scars he accrues, they’re permanent. And he doesn’t know what to do with himself now. 

For the longest time, Magnus had a clear purpose. Keep everyone safe. Look for the Light. Fight the Hunger. Stay alive. 

And now... that’s all gone. Their plan worked. The Hunger hasn’t found them. They’re safe. 

_Magnus drifts._

He no longer has a purpose. No longer has a driving force to his life. He hangs around the IPRE crew, the people who have become his family over the past 100 years, but he feels disconnected. He’s human, after all. He’s going to die before any of them anyway, and truth be told he never thought he’d make it this long in the first place. 

Technically, he supposes, he didn’t. He was the first one to die. And _kept_ dying for the longest time. 

Their plan worked, only it didn’t. Because now there are wars being waged over these relics and Magnus still can’t even find his. His, which might be the most dangerous because it allows you to mess with time itself. He doesn’t even know the kind of horrors he’s allowed to happen because of his relic. 

The others regret the plan. They all do. But there’s nothing they can do about it now. They did what they had to in order to save everybody. 

And it doesn’t matter if Magnus feels purposeless, doesn’t matter if some days he just lies in bed because they’ve completed their mission, and what else is there to do now?

Some days, the only thing that makes Magnus move is the fact that he still has to take care of Fischer. 

But even Fischer has grown up. They’re big now, and can take care of themself. Magnus is redundant. He isn’t needed. 

_~~Magnus rushes in.~~ _

Magnus lives in Ravensroost now. He’s not... entirely sure how he ended up here, and anytime he tries to think too hard about it his mind goes blank. 

But it doesn’t really matter. 

_Magnus rushes in._

Governor Kalen is a monster, a caricature of evil that needs to be taken down. And Magnus leads the charge.

It feels right. Standing with a group of people, fighting against someone who is sabotaging their every move. It reminds him of... something. 

So Magnus does what he does best: he protects people. He throws his life on the line in order to keep others safe. 

Then he meets Julia.

The first time he sees her, he’s struck dumb by her sheer beauty. And talent. And the fact that she is the most perfect person that Magnus has ever met. 

_Magnus stops rushing in._

He still fights, still has to protect those he loves from ~~the shadows~~ -

But he has to make it home. Home to her. Because she is his world, and he will do anything for her. 

They fight, and they win. 

They send Kalen running, and Magnus doesn’t even consider the repercussions of letting him live. Because they won. 

And Magnus is purposeless ~~again~~.

But he has Julia. He has a reason to stay around. A reason to get up and work. A reason to live. 

_Magnus leaves._

How could he be so stupid? Of course Kalen would never be satisfied! Of course Kalen would try something! Why didn’t Magnus stay behind? Why couldn’t he protect her?

But he doesn’t. And Ravensroost falls. And Magnus is alone _again._

_Magnus rushes in._

He takes odd jobs, anything that offers a little bit of gold and the chance of a heroic death. 

But he can never seem to die. 

He’s not actively trying. He never goes into a fight with the intent of not making it out. But... if he didn’t make it out, he wouldn’t be mad. It would mean he would get to be with Julia again. 

That’s all he ever wanted. 

_Magnus rushes in._

This job is different. He’s working with a dwarf and an elf he can swear he’s never met before, but something about their banter feels... familiar. He can’t wrap his head around it, and he doesn’t even try because his mind keeps going to static any time he thinks about it. 

So he goes with it. Fights and attacks and is (sometimes) healed by Merle and (tries to) protect Taako. And it’s all so familiar in a weird, distant way. Like a dream he can’t quite remember. And this thing they’re getting, this relic, it’s more powerful than anything Magnus has ever seen. 

And then they have a job. A permanent gig. They’re hired by a woman who seems oddly familiar, a voice from a memory long buried. She hires them and Magnus has a purpose again. 

It’s a purpose he recognizes. He has to protect Merle and Taako so they can retrieve these relics and keep them safe. And Magnus is good at it, he takes the hits so his teammates don’t have to. 

Somewhere along the way, Magnus stops expecting to not make it out alive. He starts counting on the fact that he will get back to the base, to the moon, to... his friends. He relies on Merle to heal him occasionally. Enough that he doesn’t die. And it works. They survive. 

Until they don’t. 

Refuge. 

Magnus immediately feels at home. This small little town that reminds him so much of Ravensroost, and of something else he can’t quite place. But something about this place is... off. Aside from the giant bubble that is encasing the whole town, that is. 

_Magnus rushes in._

The bank is on fire, and Magnus can’t just stand by and watch. He has to help. Roswell is taking care of the attackers, and though Magnus manages to get one dwarf woman out, he can't save Roswell. The bank is on fire, the clock tower is on fire, and there’s a familiar explosion of light and then they’re falling, falling, falling...

And then suddenly they’re not.

The feeling is weirdly familiar, and Magnus knows that they’ve died. Knows because ~~he knows this feeling and~~ -

The woman in front of them looks at them with a sad smile. “You’ll have to do better than that.”

They wake up on the outskirts of town again. 

_Magnus rushes in._

So they’re in some sort of time loop. And they keep dying and coming back, and Magnus almost wishes that it would stick because he’s tired. He’s tired and he just wants to see Julia again.

But not like this.

The cup shows him and Julia. Back before everything went wrong. And it hits him like a knife to the gut. Seeing her. Seeing him, before he left. Because he left her. He didn’t protect her, even though he promised he would. 

There’s a part of him that wants to accept. That wants to _rush in_ and take the chalice and go back to when life was perfect. But... he can’t. 

It’s not what she would’ve wanted. And as familiar as this scene is, as familiar as the weight of the cup in his hands is, he knows he can’t. He knows what his job is, and it’s not this. 

They make it out. Magnus almost wishes they hadn’t. 

_Magnus rushes in._

~~Lucretia~~ \- The Director tells them that Wonderland will be dangerous. But at this point Magnus doesn’t care. His job is to take the heavy hits because the others can’t. 

He fails. He fails, and Taako gets crushed. He fails, and Merle loses an eye to go with his missing hand. 

They spin the wheel, and Magnus loses ten years. 

They spin the wheel, and Magnus loses ——

_Magnus rushes in._

And then... he rushes out.

One moment he’s standing side by side with his friends, facing down the fucking liches, and the next moment he’s not. Suddenly he’s ripped out of his body and floating through the air, being pulled towards a tear in reality, and through it he can see the Astral Sea. 

Magnus fights. He’s being pulled towards it but he doesn’t want to go. He’s needed here! Of all the times he could’ve been killed, it had to be the one time he doesn’t want to go?!

But... it might be nice. To let go. To not have to worry anymore. After all, this is the last relic they need, and Magnus is sure Taako and Merle can handle themselves. They don’t really need him anymore. (Did they ever need him?) 

If he lets go, then maybe he can be with Julia again. 

Magnus stops struggling, and lets himself float. It’s not the worst way to die. He didn’t even feel any pain. He’s died before and this... isn’t that bad. 

But suddenly Taako is in front of him, a pale spectral ghost, grabbing his hands, keeping him there. 

Magnus almost fights back. Almost pushes Taako away. Because he’s tired. He wants to see Julia. Taako and Merle never really needed him. 

But then Magnus glances behind him, and he realizes that the Astral Sea is... wrong. It’s still, and what looks like an oil spill is coating the surface of it. Magnus can see Kravitz fighting with something, but he’s pulled under. And Magnus knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that even if he did let go right now, he wouldn’t find her.

‘ _I’m sorry_ ’ Magnus thinks, and he turns back towards Taako and holds on. 

Merle is there too, and the two of them are pulling Magnus away from this rift in space, and with a sudden thrust Magnus is yanked into a body again. 

But it’s not his body. 

He doesn’t have time to dwell on it too much. He has to fight. Only… he’s not much good at fighting. Everything he could do was tied in with his physical body, and now he’s just a wooden mannequin. He can’t hit as hard as he used to, he can’t fight, he doesn’t have his weapons, he doesn't have his strength. He can’t even feel anymore, and that terrifies him the most. 

But he fights, and they win. Though Magnus wasn’t much help. 

The red robe is talking to them, leading them somewhere, and it all feels so achingly familiar. There’s flashes of memory, of a life that Magnus is sure isn’t his, but- 

The red robe is Barry Bluejeans. He claims to have known them for a long time. It doesn’t seem possible, yet the longer Barry talks the more little pieces start to fill in the gaps of the puzzle. It’s not all there, but Magnus remembers... something. 

They get back to the moon base, and Magnus's one track mind of figuring out what the hell is going on is interrupted as word of his death goes around. 

Carey is... gutted. And so is Avi. And Killian and Angus and N0311 and all of these people he didn’t know that well. They all look so sad. Carey is sobbing into Killians shoulder, and Killians face is just blank and Magnus wants nothing more than to be able to talk to them, to shout to them, to tell them he isn’t dead and he’s right here and he’s ok. But... he can’t. He can’t let his friends know he’s ok and it’s killing him. 

He just... didn’t think anyone would actually care. 

_Magnus rushes in_.

Magnus doesn’t save Johan. He _can’t_ save Johan. The Hunger is too much and it overwhelms him and then they’re both floating in the ethereal plane again and Magnus feels like an ass because the last thing Johan experienced was a person he thought of as a friend knocking him out and leaving him for dead in a room full of shadows.

 _Magnus rushes in_.

_‘If I’m going to die a heroic death, this is the perfect time to do it.’_

It’s strange, Magnus has been alive for… a long time. Too long. Far longer than he had any right to. Even discounting the century spent on the Starblaster Magnus never thought he’d live past 25. And yet here he is.

He’s been given so many opportunities, so many chances. It’s like fate was playing some kind of cruel joke, making sure that this one person who didn’t care if he died kept surviving past all odds. Magnus has lived so many lives, and yet for most of that time… he didn’t really _want_ to be alive. He didn’t want to _die_ , necessarily, but he wanted to just… stop existing. Or at the very least find a cause worth dying for.

And he finally did. Dying while fighting the Hunger was the perfect ‘blaze of glory’ he always imagined he’d go out in. But the thing was… he didn’t want to die.

Not again. Not this time.

He had things to live for. He had _people_ to live for. He wasn’t done. And even if it meant he wouldn’t be able to see Julia again for a long time… Magnus was okay with that.

Damn, little too late for that.

 _Magnus rushes in_.

Yet somehow, despite all odds, they survive. Merle heals them (for once) and they call on the friendships they’ve made over their lives and somehow they do it. They defeat the Hunger. They save the world (again).

_Magnus… rushes in?_

Magnus isn’t a stranger to the disconnect that follows a heroic deed. The haze that creeps in after a long mission is completed. The sudden emptiness that fills you up and threatens to suffocate you when your whole life’s purpose is just… over.

This time he doesn’t have Julia to keep him going. This time he doesn’t have Fischer to take care of.

But this time he does have his family. He has the IPRE crew, and he has Carey, and Killian, and Angus, (but he doesn’t have Johan-)

He finds a reason to live. He starts a dog training school, the Hammer and Tails, and every day he gets up and tells himself to make Julia proud. Because even if she’s not here with him, he still wants to help people, he wants to be a positive impact in others lives. That’s all he’s ever wanted, really. He just wants to make people smile.

And he does that.

There are days where everything feels gray, where the weight of the world is crushing and Magnus can’t help but think of everything he misses about her. But on those days all he has to do is pick up his stone of Far Speech and ask, and any member of his family will come running to cheer him up. He can’t break their hearts again.

_Magnus rushes in._

Magnus is old. Humans don’t live very long, and with the lifestyle he led his body is falling apart quickly. But he doesn’t mind.

His family is there for him, to keep him company and make sure he’s not in pain. They’re all there when his eyes close, when the last breath leaves his body. Kravitz escorts him over personally, and they both know it’s partly because of the Raven Queen’s orders but mostly because Taako forced him to.

Kravitz deposits Magnus in the yard of a cottage, and his breath catches in his throat when he catches sight of her, looking the same as always. Kravitz says something else, but Magnus is barely paying attention because he’s been waiting for this moment for so long and-

_Magnus rushes in._


End file.
